Our newest addition Cruz is now 6 weeks old and we are overwhelmed with love for him. That love didn’t just begin though, the minute you find out you are pregnant that crazy love starts…. This real talk is a little more personal than I usually get, but I think it’s worth a share. While I was pregnant I had a few scary episodes and something that helped me was reading other pregnant mothers going through a similar situation and sharing on a public forum, so I decided to do the same. I’m by no means trying to make it out that my problems are worse than others, and mine ended up being fine, but at the time it was a trying time and through-out pregnancies we all go through many issues, this is just my story… I had a scary ultrasound that lead to a scary time that I wasn’t really comfortable sharing until I saw Cruz and held him and knew he was ok… But don’t worry, this isn’t a sad story, it has a happy ending! So here is a little bit about what happened.
All photos are in the hospital the day after Cruz was born by Megan Welker
I was 22 weeks and was going into my anatomy ultra sound, my parents were in town so we invited them to come along… There we were in that tiny ultrasound room, my parents, Nate, Court and I. Everything was going well, we saw his heart beating strongly, he was moving around just fine, however the technician was being awfully quiet. I had this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong, but kept putting it in the back of my head because there just couldn’t be. Everything was fine with Court while I was pregnant, minus a few hiccups, everything was going to be fine this time! But all pregnancies are different and I was just about to find out. The technician told us that the doctor was going to have to come in to go over a few things with me and I knew something was up. Court started to get antsy, we had been in there for a really long time, so I had my parents take him outside so Nate and I could talk to the doctor in private.
The doctor came in to tell us that there was some fluid in Cruz’s brain. He said that although this can be normal, it can also be a sign of down syndrome, spina bifida or a condition called hydrocephalus. All sounded extremely scary and to be honest just hearing that there was something in his brain made my heart sink to my stomach. The doctor however was reassuring, every thing else on Cruz was measuring normal, however they had to tell me about what could possibly happen… They had to offer me an amnio but the doctor didn’t recommend it as the chances of that harming the baby were greater than the chances of Cruz actually having something wrong. We set an appointment for a follow up ultrasound in 4 weeks to check on Cruz and see how he was doing and see if the fluid was still there. I left the office keeping it together, no tears were shed, however I was beyond scared.
As Nate and I drove home I of course started googling… Don’t get me wrong google is great and I use it regularly to get information, but it’s also terrible when you see just that – SO MUCH information!! I was reading terrible things and completely lost it, the last thing you want to hear about when you are carrying your baby is that he or she could be sick or be in any type of harm. So by the time we were home I was in tears, Nate was telling me not to worry as the doctor said not to, but I couldn’t help it. My OB actually called me about an hour or so after we got home once she got the fax knowing I’d be worried to tell me she thought everything would be fine but that I could do a blood test that would confirm that and offer me piece of mind. I jumped at the chance and headed over to her office then, however I wouldn’t find out the news for a few weeks… That week I had a friend’s baby shower and my sister’s wedding (which I was planning) so as you could imagine I was a little stressed, plus I had to act as if everything was a-ok, Nate and I only let our parents, my sister and my best friend know of what was going on.
After 2 and a half long weeks we got the blood results that everything looked ok, however I still had to go back for a few extra ultra sounds to confirm everything was fine. The first ultra sound they couldn’t see Cruz’s brain because of the way he was positioned, so we had to schedule another! More waiting!! after 10 long weeks we got to see Cruz again and confirm that he looked healthy and totally fine. A huge sigh of relief at 32 weeks! As a mom I honestly didn’t feel completely ok until he was born and knew everything was fine, and that is just how connected we are to our babies, something that’s hard to explain… Growing a baby inside of you is like nothing else, you feel all sorts of emotions – happiness, fear, love, desperation, and immense responsibility. I’m sure so many of you reading have had scares like this, this was just one of mine… It’s incredibly wearing on your body, mind and heart, and this time it really took me for a whirlwind! It wasn’t only this, I also had gestational diabetes where I had to give myself insulin shots, had to do fetal monitoring twice a week and had quite the other scare right before I delivered, but that’s a whole other post, haha!!
In the end the love for our babies is like no other from the very beginning and the worrying as a parent starts then too… I am so happy Cruz is happy and healthy, I’m sure there will be tons of more scares as my boys grow up, I mean they are boys!!! But this one ended up just fine with lots of love and support from my family and friends. I hope this helps someone out there who may be going through something similar have piece of mind and feel better about their situation.
xx
Jacquelyn
